I’ve just gone through the very frustrating task of going through my entire blog and friend-locking most entries. Not the most productive part of the year, and it’s entirely possible that this was a complete waste of time triggered by an access of paranoia, but I’d rather be paranoid than sorry. And all that.
See, what’s about to happen is that I’m going to apply for a job as a lecturer in France. The applications start very soon, and the stakes are a bit more impressive than they sound. Professors and lecturers, whatever their grade, are automatically tenured. In other words, if I can get a job, I don’t have to move out until I want to. This could be the day when I finally settle down doing something I like and I can stop running around crazily looking for stuff to add to my CV.
This is starting to make me incredibly nervous. It’s not so much that I’m 29 and I’ve never held a job for more than one year. It’s not the fact that I have a mortgage to pay, because after all, if I don’t get a university job, I can always teach high school. There will be room for me, although perhaps not that close to home, or not even in a pleasant place. What stresses me out is that if I never get to work in a university, then the past five years of my life will have been filled with completely useless compromises and sacrifices. I could have taught high school five years ago. I just didn’t feel like it–and now I’d like all of this to come to a happy conclusion, with me getting the job of my dreams without having to settle at the other end of the planet or get an insane commute. And much as I love to blog here and interact with everyone on LJ, I don’t want to risk having someone on the recruitement board look me up and get a bad impression because, well, I appear to be the sort of person who has a life outside work and political opinions to boot.
Like I said, complete paranoia on my part. Probably. I’d rather not find out the hard way.
So now I’ve started another blog, focusing on my professional life. It’s over here; if you’d like to have a brief look, I’d be very grateful (I’m not sure that having many page views will make my professional blog miraculously appear at the top of my Google search results, but it can’t hurt anyway). I’ll still be blogging here if time allows it, but entries will be friend-locked until further notice.